The six-time Bombers best-and-fairest winner was forced to walk back into Tullamarine after Essendon declined to accept a deal from their bitter rivals.
Merrett, who is likely to be stripped of the captaincy, has opened up on being central to one of the AFL's most dramatic trade sagas.
The 30-year-old admitted it was tough telling Bombers coach Brad Scott he had met with Hawks counterpart Sam Mitchell.
"My bottom lip was quivering because I felt like we had been through so much together," Merrett told the Herald Sun.
"And in some ways I felt like I was letting him down because he had given me my childhood dream of captaining Essendon.
"It was a difficult couple of hours at his house. It was raw. I was emotional.Â
"We were both upset.
"I had probably lost a little bit of love and connection I had had for the footy club, and that has been pretty deep."
Merrett is desperate for success after playing 251 games for Essendon and not winning a final.
Since the Bombers last won any finals game back in 2004, every other AFL club has been able to win a post-season match.
The second-longest drought without a finals win amongst the other 17 clubs is North Melbourne's, stemming from 2015.
"It wasn't a loss of faith. I love the club. No matter what happened, I will always love Essendon," Merrett said.
"I'm a very driven person and after 12 years of not winning a final, knocking on the door of 30 (years old), you do reflect on your own life and career knowing it does not last forever.
"Late in the season I was able to compartmentalise it and perform on the field and still lead as well as I could.
"In a way, I feel very humbled that they would much prefer to keep me and keep building a list and a team that succeeds in the next five years."
Merrett has returned to training with Essendon, insisting there was no bad blood with the playing group.
Essendon are due to open their 2026 season with a showdown against the Hawks.
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